Just a little tooth pulling story.

A random memory popped into my head this morning, and I want to write it down before it files itself away again. The memory appeared when I saw a picture of my niece on Facebook, my sister exclaiming that my niece lost another tooth.

When my youngest son, Zeke, was little and began to lose teeth, I remember that his first tooth loss was not an ideal experience. He went to bed one night with a very loose tooth, and woke the next morning with no tooth in that socket. After searching the bed, we came to the conclusion that he'd swallowed his first lost tooth in the middle of the night. No one was willing to wait a few days and search for it.

For his second loose tooth, Zeke was determined to have the tooth in-hand. He spent days wiggling it. He was extra careful about testing its level of detachment before going to bed.

Not long after the mission to extract his own tooth began, the hubs, the two boys, and I went to Walmart to pick up a few groceries. I urged him to pull his fingers from his mouth while we were there because it seemed that all he wanted to do was loosen it, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. He continued to wiggle it; on the bright side, he was quieter than normal while shopping that day, and I don't deny that I wasn't a little relieved with it.

As we began to check out, I heard a triumphant exclamation from behind me. Zeke held the freed tooth high into the air like he'd just removed the sword from the stone. I noted first the delighted and proud smile across his face... then I noted the blood. My incredibly happy boy had blood running down his fingers and dribbling from his mouth and chin. I couldn't help but laugh as the people around us looked on in horror.

After I cleaned him up and secured the tooth, I decided that the tooth fairy would want to pay just a little extra for that tooth. ;-)

It's all about perspective

I get so irritated when I see politicians bring up a decision or stance that someone made 5 years ago, 10 years ago, or even longer. "We should all hate Candidate Doe because he was for legalizing wild bobcats as pets 20 years ago!" Think about it. We see these claims ALL THE TIME now, especially since the presidential election is coming up. Is it not plausible or acceptable for people to regret decisions they've once made or change their minds on issues or situations after having a little perspective? Can you say that you would make the same decisions now that you did when you were younger? Changing one's mind, changing one's stance, changing one's perception... it's all part of human growth.

I think about this concept more now as I creep closer to graduation. As I read some of the things I wrote even as close as two years ago, I'm amazed at some of my decisions and stances then. Education has truly changed me. I am not the same person I was and it's hard to look at some of my old posts and not consider deleting them; I fear that someone might see those posts and think that what I posted then aligns with my thought process now. But I resist that urge only because I want to remember where I was then and how much I've grown.

One such post came across my TimeHop app recently. Apparently, I'd just been told that I was about to have to pay $100 for my childrens' "free" educations. Understandably, I was upset. Not unlike many families, we struggle financially. I questioned the purpose of us paying $50 a piece for supply fees for our kids when I could have gotten all the supplies both children needed for school for less than $50. I was certain that what I was paying for was not only supplies for my child, but supplies for the children whose parents weren't able (or willing) to pay. Why was it my responsibility to provide for those children?

In response to the post, I can now tell Former Me some things about education and schools that she didn't know or didn't really think about then.

"Hey, I get that you're upset. I understand your point, but I think that you should first take into account those workbooks. Do you remember when you were a kid and had to wait in line at a local store to buy workbooks and how expensive they were? Now consider that these materials are going through the school. Yay! No more waiting in line and hoping you got the right workbook! Considering this, $50 doesn't seem like a whole heckuva lot now, does it?

"Also consider how fantastic it is not to have to wedge your way into the back-to-school section at Wal-Mart and hope that you can get every exact specification on the list. You'll like that plan when Zachary goes into the 4th grade and you have a list of precise supplies to buy. Oh, so you don't understand why a kid would specifically need a green folder and a yellow folder? Why can't it be just any color, you ask? Well, it's easier for a teacher to say to 30 young students, 'Get out your yellow folders.' This allows for smoother transitions between subjects and allows more time for teaching. You'll come to realize that in teaching, every second counts!

"Finally, I know that there will always be those parents who honestly can't afford to pay the fees for their children. I also know that there will always be those parents who will refuse to pay the fees, whether they can really afford to or not. In either case, you have enough problems, right? Why should you have to pay for supplies for those other kids, especially if you don't know which kind of kids are getting the waivers? On that point, forgive me, but I have to say, GET OVER YOURSELF.  It isn't the child's fault when parents can't or won't pay their fees. If you have serious money issues, talk to the teacher and work out some sort of payment plan, otherwise, pay it and stop worrying and whining. Do you realize just how much money teachers take out of their own pockets to pay for things so your children can be comfortable and happy and ready to learn? No, you don't know it, yet. You will soon, though. Point is, it is not the teacher's fault and it isn't any of the kids' faults. Don't take out your frustrations on them."

So, yeah. I would have given Former Me a good swift kick and reminded her to remember the importance of giving and doing what we can for the betterment of society. Being on the other side of things has provided me with a perspective I never once considered before.

On that note, I must get back to business. I finished my last exam for the summer semester yesterday and am gearing up for the Praxis exams in less than a month. The kids will go back to school in two weeks. This summer (and the year!) has totally flown by. It's hard to believe that by this time next year, I will be finished with this part of my education. I told you, dear reader, that I wouldn't see much of you in the interim and I apologize for that. When I emerge, I will be ready with new stories and new experiences to share! Until then...

Peace, Love, and Teaching,

Pamela

Opening Pandora's Sandbox

What you should consider before putting a sandbox in your yard.

My husband has been talking about putting a sandbox in the yard for a few years now. I have been resistant to the idea because I have a hard enough time cleaning up after two young boys (and the husband) while I work and attend school.

Last week, however, that resistance was bypassed suddenly as my husband got up early one weekend morning, gathered the supplies, and built this before I even had the chance to wipe sleep from my eyes.

Hubs and I both knew that the little turtle sandboxes sold at Walmart wouldn't be big enough for boys ages 6 and 8, so he custom-made this "sand rectangle", complete with a lid. And it's a hit!

For the boys.

Now that the box has been in the yard for a week or so, let me tell you what I've discovered about it:

-The sand is expensive.

Play sand, while marketed in big bags too heavy for my back to handle, doesn't go very far. Ten bags were emptied into the box and it barely left a dent. And it will only keep going from there. We will probably end up buying more before the summer is over.

In all fairness, though, the initial purchase is probably the biggest expense we'll see. Maintenance probably won't take much, so long as we can keep the majority of the sand in the box. This is questionable.

-Neighbor kids flock to it like moths to a flame.

If you're the only family in the neighborhood with a pool, then you probably know the feeling that comes with kids knocking on your door at all hours with their swimming trunks on. My kids can't play in their box without two or more kids coming over. But that's fine... sometimes. When you consider how expensive the sand is when you have four kids or more throwing sand around (not to mention that they are going to argue and fight over toys, what they are building, etc.), things get a little stressed for this mom.

-Sand in the eyes.

Going along with the previous point, when you have such chaos in the sandbox, it's inevitable that a child is going to get sand in their eyes. Sand in the eyes hurts and if they rub their eyes, the sand could scratch their eyeball.

-Sand EVERYWHERE

Though the sandbox is positioned a few feet from both porches, somehow, there is a layer of sand over each porch. In addition, no matter how much the child shakes, shimmies, rattles, and rolls, sand WILL be tracked inside the house. It's a plus that I have hardwood floors in the living room so sweeping isn't too bad an imposition.  However, it's when, after a long day of work, I crawl into bed at night only to discover that it, too, has become a sandbox. This has happened twice. I've had to impose a new rule: only after they've taken a shower are they allowed to stretch out on my bed.

Despite all my gripes, though, the appearance of a sandbox in the yard has made both boys incredibly happy. I suppose I can put up with the annoyances if it gets them out of the house to play.

Peace, love, and sweeping,

Pamela

What Love Is

This is Love. My poor son has been throwing up and running a high fever today. I noticed early on that Tails was spending a lot of time right by him, almost like he didn't want to leave him. He got up a couple of times to eat and use the litter box, but then right back up there he went.

All I want for Christmas is... No More Friggin Electronics

I hope everyone has had a great Christmas and is prepared for the New Year! This household was alive with festivities, food, and unexpected guests. All in all, it was a good day, the kids were happy, and now that the tree is down and the house cleaned, I'm okie dokie, too.

This year, we had a few electronics thrown in the gift pile. We got the boys some inexpensive starter tablets, got my older son a remote controlled monster truck, and my younger son a Zoomer robot puppy. Here are the reviews on those items.

Review of RCA 7" Android Tablet

Walmart.com

 

Never again will I get an RCA computer-type anything. DVD players, TVs... fine, but when it came to these tablets, we had problems almost from the moment the kids turned them on.

Tablet #1 - My older son had only been playing Angry Birds on it less than two hours when the screen froze on some line-streaked garbled image. We set it aside for a while and when the screen went off, I plugged it into the charger. There had been no indication that the battery had been running low but according to the indicator, it was completely drained. It took almost the entire rest of the day to get it to charge. He played it less than two hours again and suddenly the battery was drained again. We did that dance for two days thinking maybe it was a fluke. Eventually, I got tired of dancing and gave up on it.

Tablet #2 - This one performed much better than the first one, at least at first. My younger son was able to play it normally for a day and a half. We plugged it up to charge it and when it was indicating fully charged, we took it to the store with us so he could play it while we shopped. Then it just refused to come on. It had not been dropped or flung around or handled in any manner that would cause such a thing. I plugged it up again later and it still refused to come on or even indicate that it was plugged in.

Review of 4x4 Mega Blast New Bright RC

Walmart.com

Our past experience with New Bright RC toys has been okay. We typically haven't bought anything expensive for fear that the kids would tear it up and so far New Bright toys have been okay for the money spent.

But Santa felt that my eldest child was old enough this year for something... uh, bigger? (Mr. Claus's idea, not Mrs. Claus's.) And this thing was big and NOT cheap. To have some kind of reference, my six-year-old child was able to climb into the box and shut it when the truck was removed from it. In any case, it looked pretty awesome and my almost eight-year-old was very excited about it. However, he never got to play with it. When we placed the battery in the charger and plugged it up, the status light never came on and within seconds, an electrical burning smell filled the air. We tried it on three different outlets with the same results each time.

And now for their customer service: I tried multiple times since Christmas to call. I either got a busy signal or a "we're closed" message during the open hours stated in their booklet. (And yes, I accounted for the time difference.) So, without any other option, I sent an email to their customer service, which I have yet to hear from and I sent that message several days ago. I checked their Facebook page for any other reports of problems and I ran into a post about another RC toy problem, which I responded with mine. Yesterday, the admin to the page posted, telling the other guy to email them.

Granted, I have since been able to take the truck back to Walmart but New Bright customer service doesn't know that, and yet *I still haven't gotten a reply to my email. Upon getting my son another RC toy, I was certain to avoid New Bright toy products for this reason.

*If New Bright ever responds to my email, I will update this. If not, you'll see no update here. (Update 1-3-14: Several days after sending an email to customer service, I finally got a reply. Not happy with the time it took to get back to me considering I couldn't reach them on the phone. The time delay could mean the difference between a warranty being honored and being rejected. I will be keeping this in mind when I consider future purchases.)

Review of Zoomer, the robot dog

Zoomer has been a good toy thus far. It works like it should, though the kids do get frustrated with it because it doesn't automatically follow the commands they speak. It's very excitable, too, and mimics the movements of a real puppy, even to the point of sticking its butt in the air and twerking. The kids are happy with it but it doesn't keep their attention for too long and the cat wants to attack it. Still, though, it has fared much better than some of the other electronics this Christmas and overall, we're happy with it.

Thanks to Walmart

Lucky for us, Walmart refunded us for our defective products, which is something I wasn't aware they would do until after I'd been trying to call the manufacturers. It could have been a lot more hassle, especially with the tablets, but they were great about it and I thank them.

This has been the worst Christmas for defunct products. I think I want to have an anit-electronic Christmas next year.

Peace, love, and season's greetings,

Pamela

It's okay not to throw your kid a birthday party.

I mean no offense to anyone who does some of the things that I'm about to describe. To each their own. However, in my little corner of the world, I really don't see the need to throw over-the-top birthday parties every year for my children. I also don't see the need to get them both presents when only one child has a birthday.

Let's explore the party aspect first. What do I mean by over-the-top parties? This, to me, means parties that require color-coordinating, ultra-planning, formal invitations, and costs more than half your week's pay.

This is a small ongoing debate between myself and my husband. He wants to give them things he never had when he was a kid. My husband and I have different ways of thinking, though. I can agree with that sentiment to a certain degree, but I didn't have birthday parties growing up either. Don't feel bad for me. I certainly wasn't sad about it at the time. I do remember some bad birthdays as a child but it had nothing to do with not getting a party. A birthday was good if my family got together to eat cake (since we moved around a lot, and wasn't close to other family, it was usually just my mom, dad, and sisters). I don't even remember the presents.

So sure, I want my kids to have parties sometimes but the message of "we should go broke just to get you everything you want" isn't something I'm eager to instill in my children. So here's what we do for birthdays: On the big birthdays, we reserve or rent a place to hold a party. We invite other children and we do the whole elaborate sha-bang. Last year, we held it at a pizza place, giving the kids free tokens to play in the arcade. Other times, like today on my youngest son's birthday, we invite a few close friends and family members (via text) over for cake and ice cream, presents not expected or required because honestly, presents don't make a birthday special. It's the people who come and give you a kiss and hug as they tell you happy birthday. Think my son cares? Nope. He's more interested in Momma wearing a party hat all day.

As far as getting both kids a present because one kid is having a birthday so he doesn't feel left out... meh, not my cup o' tea either (unless they are all super-young and they don't understand what birthdays are to begin with). That was never an issue when I was a kid because my parents never had much money and there were four of us. 'Nuff said.

Sometimes the hubs sneaks and buys the other kid something despite my protests but in general, I don't do it. The biggest obstacle in this is the word "fair". In my opinion, it is not "unfair" to get a child a present on their birthday and not get anything for the other child(ren). Birthdays are special days and as such, the child should feel special. Getting everyone something lessens the significance of the day for them. And so what if the other child complains that he didn't get something, too. You know what? Life isn't always going to deal cards fairly and evenly for everyone. You deal with it and move on. It seems harsh but when we cater to everything the kids want, then we're not teaching them how to deal with the unevenness in life itself. If my older son wants to complain that he didn't get anything today (which I expect him to), I will explain in a loving voice that it is his brother's birthday, not his. When his birthday rolls around, it will be his turn to have a special day and we will get him a gift and a cake and celebrate the day the same way.

Maybe my husband feels guilty about not renting out the pool at Body Vision for what I'm sure would be a fun party. But having just had a big party last year, I think that can wait another couple of years. (My vote might be overrode next year, though, who knows.)

So what do you think about parties? Do you have a big one every year for your children? Do you think they are necessary? What about presents? Do you get every kid a present just so you don't have to listen to the fallout? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Peace, love, and happy birthday to my son,

Pamela

Your second kid won't be like your first... but you will love them anyway.

This is for the parents of one child who are expecting another child. Listen up. Your second kid will not be like your first kid. Okay, so maybe they will look alike and there is a slim chance that their personalities will be similar but that's rare so you might as well prepare yourself now.

This post is inspired by a conversation I had with a friend the other day. He shared the happy news that his wife is expecting their second child. "I hope this one is a boy just like my first little boy. That would be perfect."

Having two children myself, I had to break the news to him that it wasn't likely to happen that way.

You see, when I was pregnant with my second child, there was a veil in my mind. I couldn't comprehend having a kid with a different personality. I didn't understand that raising my second kid would be a much different experience than raising my first. The tendencies of my first son, I imagined, would be the tendencies of my second child.

As those of you with more than one child can attest, boy, was I ever wrong. Where my first son is a little high strung and a bit of a worry wart, my second son (at times) seems to go with the flow a little easier. It's easy to get my oldest son to comply to unfavorable requests after a bit of coaxing while most of the time, getting my younger one to comply to similar requests is like trying to tell a tree to cut itself down. While I had to rock my older son to sleep as a baby, my younger son actually seemed to fall asleep easier when I simply laid him down.

So you see? You can't often approach your children in the same way. Different personalities invite different reactions and parents of multiple children can witness to the fact that what one works for one child, may not work for the other.

The same goes for that well of love inside of you. I've loved my first son with the ferocity of a lioness since the moment I laid eyes on him, perhaps even before. I admit, though, that as I carried my second son, it was difficult for me to imagine that I would have that same level of pure, raw love for him. I was so worried that my well of love wasn't that big. As it turns out, those were unfounded fears; fears of a mother worried about her ability to care for and nurture multiple children, fears I'm sure many mothers have. As I came to find out, my well was big enough. I am as fiercely in love with my younger son as my oldest and I cannot imagine what my life would be like without them. Hell, I barely remember the days before I had children!

So there is no need to fret. I know it's hard to imagine a different bundle from that of your first, but be content that no matter what, your well of love will still be big enough to hold them, even if they aren't what you expect. :)

Peace, love, and happiness,

Pamela

Your child and internet pictures.

Yesterday was a fun day! Despite the threat of impending storms, we geared up and set off on our
trick-or-treat run. The kids got to meet Iron Man at the Fort Payne Police Department (above - which was the highlight of their trip) and Fyffe once again put on a good event at the park. Though some people didn't make the connection between my costume and my little Batman and Robin, I was still pretty happy with it.


Why so serious?

The evening led to an interesting discussion on my Facebook page about letting strangers take pictures of kids to post on social media. There was a lady where we were dining asking to take a pic of my kids to post on Facebook. I refused and though I could be wrong, she seemed a little offended about it.

Now, I might consider allowing this if it is for a business or organization and I knew exactly what they would do with the picture but it isn't my policy to just allow anyone, even family, to take pics of my children to post online. I can never be certain who really understands and utilizes privacy settings in the right way. Occasionally, I will post publicly set pictures of my children but that practice for me is limited. I decide who, when, where, and how my kids are portrayed. I chose to include the picture above because it illustrates our fun night. The internet, just like the real world, can be dangerous. There is another reason, too. When my kids are grown, what effect will ceaselessly posting public pictures of them do? I can't answer that and neither can any parent given that we don't have insight into their future lives and careers. I admit I cringe a bit when I see my friends post public pictures of babies and children over and over. I'm not judging; do what you feel is okay, but I always wonder if the user behind the posting understands privacy settings; if they really mean to post so many pictures for the entire world.

Back to the lady in the restaurant: I suspect she was an employee but she didn't identify herself, and given the circumstances, it was doubtful that she managed the restaurant's Facebook page. That is the first rule of social media management, which I have experience in. You don't take and post pictures without stating who you are, who you represent, and what you plan on doing with the picture. It's okay to ask, and encouraged. It would be rude to just starting snapping pics. And a little weird.

And if you're just a person asking to take pics of random children, that comes off creepy.

It is our job to ensure that our actions don't place our children in danger. So here's a screenshot to illustrate how to change those settings on your photos.

You can enlarge the photo by clicking on it. Notice in the top right there is a little world icon next to my name. Click the one on your photo and you can change that from public to friends only, or whatever you want.

Note: I didn't blur names or anything from the screenshot because this post on my Facebook is public which also means that anyone who comments on it also shares that comment publicly. Anytime you comment on a public post, ANY public post, personal wall, fan page, whatever it is (settings for that post will be denoted by the icon that displays next to the user's name), you are commenting for the whole world to see.

I hope I've been of some assistance. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Peace, love, and parenting,

Pamela

Amazon rankings, a shot in the spine, and two weeks of school already?

First thing first. I am currently running a promotion: Download Future Past for FREE on Amazon Kindle today and tomorrow. The promotion began yesterday and let me tell ya, I was not expecting what happened next. I had one download when I went for school yesterday morning. By the time I went to bed last night, my downloads were well over a thousand and my rankings had me in the top ten in two different fantasy categories. I'm also sitting in the top 200 over all (*small update: I just ranked below #200- Woot!) and let me tell you, with thousands of free ebooks from Amazon every day, THAT is something I'm very proud of.


click the image to enlarge

I don't have time to sit around today and watch my rankings. I hope I hit a #1 somewhere but I can't keep tabs on it today. I have school work to do, a client edit to work on, and somewhere in there, I have to work a shift at my store.

My Shot... Heaven help me

I had a steroid injection in my spine yesterday. Those who have been keeping up with this blog because of my back pain chronicles, you've probably had an inkling this was coming. Physical therapy is wonderful and has decreased my pain level. I'm not going currently but I'm keeping up with the exercises and walking. But the pain was still there. It's coming from my discs, making my back swell and hurt, my hips, legs and feet hurt, and it's all I can do many days (especially the days I'm pulling shifts at the store) to keep from being in tears.

I had some people tell me that I'd feel like Superwoman after the shot but I didn't. There was some immediate decreased pain in my hips and legs that I noticed but the pure pain in my back was at its worst. I think I cried a little more than normal. I had this doomsday outlook, I suppose. The doc said that it might take two shots to really make a difference in my average pain level. So I was thinking about what I would do if none of it worked. There isn't much more of this pain I can take. This morning, though, there was a noticeable difference in pain. When I woke, I wasn't in pain at all which is very unusual. After an hour or so, some pain started creeping back in but I'm trying to keep in mind that it's been less than 24 hours since the shot and I'm still having to take things one step at a time. My back is swollen and I've been battling a small fever (I'm suppose to call if it gets above 100), but I'm not certain the fever has anything to do with my shot; I've been battling a bit of congestion, which most often turns into a full-fledged sinus infection within a week. I get these infections about 4 times a year usually at the start of a new school semester. It's right on time!

It is a waiting game and it doesn't help that I have to sit and do homework most of the morning then go work a shift at the store. Guess that shot will really be put to the test.

My babies are off to school

Last week, the last of my babies took off for school for the first time. I cried some on the days leading up to the big day, but since I had school myself on his first day, I was too occupied, I guess, to dwell on days gone forever. I've managed to make it since then without overwhelming sadness.

The kids are liking school, just not liking the early days (who does, right?) and are so far doing very well. My little one has adjusted far easier than I could have hoped for. I was worried because he's been in my care since day 1 but he's doing just fine and not much missing Momma when he has, "Twenty-two new friends to play with," though he couldn't tell you a single one of their names. LOL.

Thanks for reading my update. I'm about to go pour my nose into the weirdest math I've ever seen in my life. Please don't forget to go download my book while it's free!

Peace, love, and work, work, work,

Pamela

The riddles of kids.

My niece, Anna, and sons, Zachary and Zeke, at the Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga.

 I've said before that when you go from being a mom of under-school-age children to suddenly having one in school, the world takes on another color. You don't expect things to change so much. There's both fear and elation at play.

A particularly sound piece of advice I received last year from a fellow writer was, "If you don't believe everything that your child comes home to tell you, then the teachers won't believe everything they tell them."

It's hard to understand that if you don't have a child that blurts out the weirdest things at the weirdest times. A kid's mind fires so differently from our own that it's fascinating to see the connections they make. It doesn't mean they are intentionally lying, they just view things differently.

That first week of school last year, Zachary came home and said, "Momma, they left me." He preceded to tell me this horrifying story about how he'd missed getting in line for lunch and his class walked to the lunchroom without him, leaving him lost, wandering the halls alone because he hadn't gotten used to where everything was yet. That was alarming and terrifying for me. I tried hard not to come to any sudden conclusions but I was frantic and the only thing that ran through my head was that the kindergarten building was on the edge of the campus, close to the street. If he'd been left alone, he could've simply wandered off into the streets, to a stranger's house... anything. So I called his teacher and she calmly explained that nothing of the sort happened.

It occurred to me later that he had been so worried about getting lost in his new school, and that he'd played that scenario in his mind to the point it had become somewhat real for him. That was an interesting year with many interesting and confusing conversations with my son. Sometimes I think a person has to be an expert in riddles to understand the meanings behind what young children say.

Zachary helping with dishes; I believe it took him ten minutes to wash this one cup!

Now I have a first-grader and, while his thinking is a little more concrete, I still have to listen with a filter.

I'd called the school earlier this week because Zachary had come off the bus with a very red and sore arm. He told me that a kid three years older than him had called him names and "Indian burned" his arm. There's so much focus on bullies these days and the impact they have on kids that, as a mom, you want to go into defense mode with your kid. But I also didn't want to jump to any conclusions because my mom instinct was telling me there was something else.

The principal assured me that she would get to the bottom of it and later she called me back. As it turned out, Zachary had just as much role in the situation as the older kid. They were both bickering, name calling, and had resorted to physical contact. She'd lectured the other kid about being "bigger" (meaning maturity), to which he rose and started measuring the difference between them. Since he was only a forehead taller than Zachary, this confused him. In turn, she'd lectured Zachary about not doing things to purposely annoy others. "Why didn't you stop turning your head?" she asked and he replied that it (his head) just wouldn't stop turning. You know, as if his head were a separate entity from the rest of him. The boys learned their lesson and won't be sitting on the bus together anymore and the principal got a nice chuckle out of their answers and reactions.

It's a nice reminder of how hard teachers' jobs really are and how intelligent and patient one has to be in order to succeed in that position. It's a reminder, too, not to make assumptions about another kid. I wanted to; after all, my son was hurt. It would've been easy to slip into Momma Bear mode.

In the meantime, I'm glad that my son was able to give the principal a nice laugh and was happy that the situation wasn't anything worse. I'm both curious and nervous about what the rest of the school year holds for him.

Peace, love, and entertaining parenting,

Pamela

My sons painting a watercolor "Welcome Home" sign for their older brother.

Kindergarten conquered! Reality of 1st Grade hasn't quite hit me yet.

My son graduated from kindergarten yesterday. At the risk of sounding horribly cliche, it seems like just yesterday I was dropping him off for his very first day.

Simply from a work-at-home mom perspective, it's amazing how much your child going to school opens up the world around you. I have a new appreciation for the job teachers do. I've also become more community-aware. It's hard to explain but, indeed, as much as his world changed, the world changed a little for me, too.

When the year first started, we had some problems adjusting. It took several weeks before the crying stopped. The first several days were fine, but then the reality that he had to get up early and go to school every day set in. I can't say that we didn't have a few unpleasant mornings in there as is true with any parent, I suppose.

Get ready for long, hot summer days!

Then came the behavior tickets. He pulled quite a few those the first couple of weeks as he tested the boundaries of the rules his teacher had set. And even then, his behavior wasn't optimal. Then came his horrible handwriting. I couldn't understand why he wasn't thriving and was already considering how we might approach holding him back a year. But then we took him for an eye exam (shout out to the fine folks at Dr. Habel's office in Rainsville!) and found out he was severely far-sighted and let me tell you, after he got his glasses, he was like a brand new kid. He walked around saying, "Wow, I can see up close now," not realizing before that moment that he'd had any problem seeing at all. His behavior improved and his grades improved. And the proudest moment of any writer mommy? He discovered his love for books. We now make regular trips to the Rainsville Library and he's signing up for their Summer Reading Program.

But as much as I enjoyed watching him thrive in school this year, I'm doubly looking forward to enjoying the summer. I've taken off school, too, in order to take advantage of the first summer I've been able to breathe in six years. I might post some of the adventures we have planned here on my blog.

In the meantime, congratulations to all the graduates out there from kindergarten on up! 

First grade? Naw, don't really want to even think about that just yet.

Peace, love, pomp and circumstance,

Pamela

My "I can't" got up and left before I kicked its lazy...

There's something funny about the word "closure". Just the mere mention of this simple two-syllable word brings about the image of two people tangled in a long and complicated rift. To get closure, you would think that it would involve the same two people. Right?

I always thought that. Up until the last few years, I've been caught up in a web of my own. From one abandonment to the other, I'd survived. But the life I'd led was indicative of how I'd been treated.

When I was four, my earliest memory was not a very good one. In fact, it was the defining moment of my life. My biological mother pushed me through the door of my father and stepmother's apartment and said, "Here, you can have her." I'd always wondered if I was somehow bad. Why didn't my own mother want me? Why did she keep my sister over me? Didn't she love me?

Over the years, I was shoved from one person to the next, given to other people to raise. I couldn't help but think that it was my fault somehow. That was exacerbated by the guardian I lived with the longest in my childhood, who tried to mold me into what she wanted me to be and if she saw any sign that I wasn't conforming, she would tell me I was no good, that I would end up a bum, and no man would ever have me. In the middle of all this, she heavily restricted my diet in an effort to curb impending weight issues while simultaneously telling me I was already fat (when I most definitely wasn't) and she consistently accused me of sexual activity when I didn't even know what sex was at that age.

Years later, as an adult who could never quite finish anything I started, I had a husband who left me, too. It seemed never ending. And I believed everything I'd been told as a kid; I would never be good enough.

When I remarried and started having kids, it opened my eyes. I started wanting answers and closure so I reached out to my birth mother, who I hadn't had contact with but a couple of times over the course of 20-something years. I laid my heart out to her only to be disappointed when her response came back full of excuses and self-pity. There wasn't an apology. That's when I had to learn that I had to move on without answers and that it was okay. When I got past that, I realized I wasn't mad anymore and that I actually hadn't been mad for a long time. That was my closure, although I hadn't recognized it at the time. I think that was the first time I realized that it wasn't feasible to continue to blame her for my own actions (or inaction, as the case may be).

That's when I got my butt in gear and started taking my ambitions seriously. From there on out, it's been hard work and determination, something that was reflected recently in my grades for my first semester back in college in 10 years; I pulled a 4.0.

I relearned the closure lesson this week, albeit a little more in-depth this time. I thought I needed answers and closure so I asked questions to a person who'd wronged me a long time ago. But I never got the answers I sought. I don't know if he just didn't want to answer them or was too ashamed by the way he'd treated me to answer them. Nonetheless, for whatever reason those questions weren't answered, it made me realize that I'd been okay with what he'd done for a long time now. He apologized, which was great, but I realized that I didn't even need that. I'd already had closure and had already moved on in my life.

And for the first time, I think I really understand what closure is. It's not about two people resolving an issue. It's about resolving it within yourself and understanding that you don't have to (and shouldn't) rely on others for your sense of identity and purpose.

I've been surprised at myself at what I've been able to do and accomplish since I first found closure. I swear I'm not trying to brag; I'm trying to illustrate to those who may have found themselves "stuck" how they, too, can move on. It burns me to hear someone say, "I'd like to do (insert ambition here), but I just can't because (insert obstacle here)."

You know, it would be easy for me to say, "I can't," too. I could throw my hands up and give up on my writing and on college and I'd have a million legitimate reasons to do so.

But you know who I'd be saying, "I can't," to? I'd be saying it to the two most wonderful kids on the planet. I refuse to tell the loves of my life that "I can't," because that would be like me giving them permission to say they can't either.

So you've been through hell or you've made a big mistake. Are you going to let that rule over your life? I hope not. I hope you realize that you are more capable than you give yourself credit for.

Peace, love, and closure,

Pamela

I want to see a business that doesn't allow whiny adults.

Today's blog post is difficult for me to write because it's hard for me to wrap my head around. But I'm going to try, at least, to convey what it is that is bothering me.

I started this blog post a number of times. This makes my third attempt to say what I want to say without rambling. But it's hard to do when the subject is so broad, you really don't know where to begin. I want to talk about hate. But I'd have to narrow that down because, sadly, there are too many forms of hate in the world. What's on my mind, though, involves the unnecessary hatred toward parents. I wanted to talk about how pregnant women and moms are illegally discriminated against in the workplace. I wanted to talk about how disgusting it is that the nation is trying to use women as a political focal point.

But ultimately, I'll narrow it to the growing trend of kid haters.

It is no wonder that kids grow up hating. I could give several examples of why kids hate and how most of the hate is learned at home.

However, even focusing on parents isn't what I'd like to write about today. This is about non-parents. It's about those who choose not to have children.

I'm all up for people being comfortable enough to say, "I don't want kids." I actually think it is fantastic for someone to be that sure of themselves to know they don't want to reproduce. There's a kid in my psych class who I highly respect for not giving in to societal roles. He knows he doesn't want children and that's great.

What isn't okay is the mindset some of those people (notice I said some!) have that they are somehow more important than the part of society that does decide to reproduce. They are the people who are so self-important, they think their path should be cleared of children. Period. Children are disgusting. They are a nuisance. And if they aren't little automatons, then they are monster children that don't know how to behave. This type of selfish behavior is another reason why more and more kids hate.

And what isn't okay are the businesses who have decided they are going to cater to those people. 

Why wouldn't they hate when adults look at them like they are disgusting rats? Why wouldn't they hate when they are treated as though they are less than human? Why wouldn't they hate when they aren't respected in the same way we would require them to respect us?

Granted, there are parents out there who do not make their children behave. (Keep in mind, though, meltdowns happen to even the best parents, so it's not fair to judge how a parent "is" through one unfortunate incident.) And granted, not every place is acceptable for children. But there's a difference between a place being acceptable for children and simply shutting children out for the sake of getting rid of them. It seems like more and more businesses are subscribing to the "no children allowed" concept and people are cheering them on. (Does that remind you of any other signs that used to be up on businesses in the south around about 60 years ago?) Nevermind that the parents of a baby would pay the same price as the non-parent to fly first class. The non-parent's fragile sensibility is at stake so automatically they are more important.  According to these people, we should be under house arrest for deciding to have children.  We shouldn't leave home because we could risk having our child offend someone. Waaah-waaah.

I feel incredibly sorry and sad for the world at times. People have become so intolerant of anything that might disrupt their little bubble that they've even taken to disrespecting parents and their children. And that's not okay.

If we want the hate in the world to stop, then we need to look to the children, whether they are yours or, if you've chosen not to have any, someone else's. Children are people, too, and should be treated as such. They have their own brilliant ideas, their own likes and dislikes, and they have a way of looking at things that we adults have usually forgotten about by the time we hit our late teens.

Kids learn the most by how they are treated by adults. When kids are shut out, it sends them messages that probably isn't intentional but still speaks volumes. Because to kids, adults are supposed to know everything, right? So what are you teaching the kids around you? Are you shutting kids out of your business for the sake of not offending the selfish, fragile, and whiny adults that might patron your business? Do you really want to send the future leaders of our world the message that it's okay to cater to the intolerant?

Discrimination is discrimination. Whether it's based on religion, sexual orientation, race, or even how old you are.

Personally, I'd like to see a business with a sign that said, "No whiny, snobbish, self-important adults allowed."  Seriously, if you can't handle a bit of whining, you should really just stay in bed.

Peace, love, and more love,

Pamela

It's a sad reality when you have to talk to kids about sexual abuse before you have THE TALK.

In trying to figure out what to write for the day, I played with a number of topics. I could write about Thanksgiving and how disgusted I am at the retailers who want to push Black Friday into Thursday. I could write about my battle with the hubs on a real tree versus a fake tree since it's coming close to time to start thinking about putting up Christmas decor. Or I could rant about how irritated I am that presidential candidates get to have security provided by my tax dollars when there is such a huge debt problem in the United States. I could even write something writing-related because ultimately that's most of what this blog is about; my life as a writer.

But not today. I'm going to focus on something even more ruffled than any of those things above; having an important discussion with a 5-year-old.


We haven't had THE TALK. I think my son is still too little for that full blast of reality but when the questions come, it's almost impossible to avoid the subject. So far, the realm of sex talk has only extended into a dabble of discussions about babies. Earlier this year, my step-daughter was pregnant.  My son asked, "Momma, who put a baby in sissy's belly?"

When it comes to the serious stuff, dear hubs usually passes the buck to me. We were in the car at the time of this spontaneous question and I'm sure the look on both of our faces depicted the horror a squirrel must feel when a car comes barreling down on it. Since I knew his father wouldn't answer him, I had to come up with something quick. My sense of being a realist mother kicked in. I didn't want to lie to him or give him some BS line about storks or the bit that starts with "When mommies and daddies love each other..."  Instead, I kept it simple. "Marcelo put it there," I said. Then I held the handle of my car door tightly as if I were bracing for impact. My husband's eyebrows shot up and his mouth kept opening and closing in disbelief at what I'd just said.

As it turns out, simple really is better. He accepted that answer with a stout, "Okay."  Relief washed over the hubs and I. Being the I-told-you-so person that I am, I turned to the hubs and grinned.

Less than five minutes later, the next question came. "How will the baby get out of sissy's belly?"

I'm sure my face went white again and the hubs only snorted as he stifled a laugh at how smug I'd been.  So what was another simple answer? "Sissy goes to the hospital and a doctor helps the baby out."

"Okay."

Thankfully, he accepted those answers without digging further and I'm thankful that I was able to easily answer him with a point of reality instead of feeding him fantasy.

But while I can somewhat divert the seriousness of those types of questions for now, I knew I needed to teach him about bad people. The whole Sandusky thing going on at Penn State is horrid. There are so many stories about sexual abuse from people you would never expect and stories about abductions and such that as a parent, it has become a vital necessity to talk with your kids about it.  And what's even worse is that you have to talk to your kids about this stuff before even having THE TALK with them.

So last night, I wanted to convey safety to him without scaring him. I told him about bad adults and some of the things they would try to do to little kids without being graphic. I talked mostly about clothing and how adults should never undress in front of kids and how other adults shouldn't ask kids to undress in front of them. I also weaved a little abduction safety in there. The only questions he asked were about who he was allowed to ride home with when I told him that I would never send someone he didn't know to pick him up from anywhere.

Then we did a little Q & A after our discussion. "What do you do if someone picks you up and tries to put you in their vehicle?"

"Kick, scream, bite, scratch and get away!" he said proudly.

Having this kind of discussion with little kids is especially tough because kids are really detail oriented. I didn't want to miss a scenario they might encounter. I want them to be prepared if they ever (God forbid) encounter a situation where someone says they would kill their mommy and daddy if they tell on them. I want them to know what to do if an adult approaches them about helping them find a puppy.  I'm not going to be able to be with my kids all the time. And when my son spends the night somewhere else, whether with a family member or a friend, I'm not going to know every person that enters that home when he's there. You just never know who is and isn't capable of unspeakable behavior. And it's my job to prepare my children for those things.  It's a sad reality but it's a must.

I just hope that I'm doing it right. A parent always second guesses themselves about such important things.

I hope you've had a talk with your kid about these subjects. If you haven't, the headlines should convince you that it's time. It's terrible, I know, but these adults who prey on kids do so because many kids haven't been empowered by the knowledge of what they should do if they are in that situation. Uninformed kids are easy targets for these monsters.

It's cliche but knowledge really is power, especially for kids.

Peace, love, and child safety,

Pamela

I'm one of those silly, crying parents.

My son started kindergarten this week and as a first timer, I was pretty nervous. How is he going to act? Is he going to fight with the other kids as much as he fights with his brother? Will the world's pickiest eater eat lunchroom food (which is already unappealing) or will I resort to packing a ham and cheese sandwich for him every day?

The reason I am a full time writer now is because of my kids. I left business management behind to pursue my dreams. Since I was a kid, I've never wanted anything more than to be a writer. I couldn't very well tell my children to pursue their dreams when I hadn't done so myself. So now I have this incredible 5 year-old that is about to start his student career; he's about to leave me for 8 hours a day. I won't be there if another kid hurts his feelings, I won't be there if he gets a scraped knee. I won't be able to help him if he has a problem

Up until this week, I always thought it was silly for parents to cry when their little one goes off to school for the first time. Now I'm the silly parent.

I now have to place my faith in God above that He'll watch over my son. I'll be placing my faith in what I hear is a really good teacher. I have to place my faith in that I've taught my son the lessons that I've needed to teach him in order to reach his full potential in school. He's not going to be perfect; I don't expect him to be. In fact, I expect him to pull his fair share of tickets in an attempt to show everyone who's boss.

But I do know that he's a fantastic child and I couldn't have asked for a better son. He can count very well past 20 and can even count by 10's to 100. While he's good with numbers, his letters need work. And his handwriting is horrid, much like his father's. :) But this will improve with time. And he's so knowledge hungry that it often drives me crazy! Questions like, "What's in outer space?", "What's inside the brain/nose/ears/stomach?", "How do birds fly?" and a million trillion other questions sprout forth from his mouth on a daily basis. I can only hope that enthusiasm doesn't get lost along the way of institutionalized education.

His first day went just fine.  All he could say about it was that he ate break at the picnic tables.  I said, "Did you make any new friends?" 

"Yeah." 

"What are their names?"  

He said, "I don't know."  

Then as he was going to sleep (I write in the boys' room while they are falling asleep), he sat upright and said, "Momma! Mrs. Machen has two turtles in her room! Do you want to see them?" I told him he could show them to me when I took him to school Thursday.

So he likes school and I've realized that this phase of our lives is so much different then I thought it would be.  Everything has changed.  He's not my little baby who depends on me for everything anymore.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go cry in private for just a little while.