Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Your second kid won't be like your first... but you will love them anyway.

This is for the parents of one child who are expecting another child. Listen up. Your second kid will not be like your first kid. Okay, so maybe they will look alike and there is a slim chance that their personalities will be similar but that's rare so you might as well prepare yourself now.

This post is inspired by a conversation I had with a friend the other day. He shared the happy news that his wife is expecting their second child. "I hope this one is a boy just like my first little boy. That would be perfect."

Having two children myself, I had to break the news to him that it wasn't likely to happen that way.

You see, when I was pregnant with my second child, there was a veil in my mind. I couldn't comprehend having a kid with a different personality. I didn't understand that raising my second kid would be a much different experience than raising my first. The tendencies of my first son, I imagined, would be the tendencies of my second child.

As those of you with more than one child can attest, boy, was I ever wrong. Where my first son is a little high strung and a bit of a worry wart, my second son (at times) seems to go with the flow a little easier. It's easy to get my oldest son to comply to unfavorable requests after a bit of coaxing while most of the time, getting my younger one to comply to similar requests is like trying to tell a tree to cut itself down. While I had to rock my older son to sleep as a baby, my younger son actually seemed to fall asleep easier when I simply laid him down.

So you see? You can't often approach your children in the same way. Different personalities invite different reactions and parents of multiple children can witness to the fact that what one works for one child, may not work for the other.

The same goes for that well of love inside of you. I've loved my first son with the ferocity of a lioness since the moment I laid eyes on him, perhaps even before. I admit, though, that as I carried my second son, it was difficult for me to imagine that I would have that same level of pure, raw love for him. I was so worried that my well of love wasn't that big. As it turns out, those were unfounded fears; fears of a mother worried about her ability to care for and nurture multiple children, fears I'm sure many mothers have. As I came to find out, my well was big enough. I am as fiercely in love with my younger son as my oldest and I cannot imagine what my life would be like without them. Hell, I barely remember the days before I had children!

So there is no need to fret. I know it's hard to imagine a different bundle from that of your first, but be content that no matter what, your well of love will still be big enough to hold them, even if they aren't what you expect. :)

Peace, love, and happiness,


No comments:

Post a Comment