What Love Is

This is Love. My poor son has been throwing up and running a high fever today. I noticed early on that Tails was spending a lot of time right by him, almost like he didn't want to leave him. He got up a couple of times to eat and use the litter box, but then right back up there he went.

You're supposed to light his fire, not snuff his sunshine.

Andrew Mayne and his "mark" in Don't Trust Andrew Mayne
Photo Credit: http://www.aetv.com/dont-trust-andrew-mayne

There's a new show on A&E called, Don't Trust Andrew Mayne. It's a 30-minute, cool mix of magic and humor. I really enjoy it so far.

The first episode, "Father of Anarchy", though, had me squirming in my seat. The main premise here was that a woman was complaining about her husband's obsession with motorcycles. She "made him" sign a contract before they were married that he would give up riding and never touch a bike again but he eventually slid back into that passion. She enlisted the help of Andrew Mayne to get her point across that motorcycles are dangerous and she wanted him to STOP. Mayne did an awesome balloon/levitation/explosion thing with the bike (yes, I know, my vocabulary to describe this is astounding), and the wife and hubby left hand in hand, point made; though the hubby didn't look especially thrilled about the wife's demands.

Throughout the episode, I kept wanting Andrew Mayne to say something to the wife. It seemed as if he perhaps wanted to, and at one point, I thought he was going to. But it never happened.

Lookit, marriage is embedded with difficulty. I know this first hand. As a young, naïve bride, I might have demanded my husband give up something he was passionate about if I didn't like it but as a woman who has experienced reality, I understand that marriage isn't all about me. If there is something that my husband loves, is passionate about, that makes his eyes light up with glee, that creates sunshine in an otherwise dark, twisted world, why in the world would I, who is supposed to love him with every fiber of my being (I'm having too much fun with bad clichés; my apologies), want to take that away from him?

It's dangerous, yes, and I might have to draw the line or incredibly compromise about the kids doing it, but you don't marry someone expecting them to change and that's what this is. She wanted and expected him to just give up something he was passionate about. It may be dangerous but so is everything else in life. It's not illegal, he's not harming anyone.

I'm not trying to demonize her. Her fears and her worries are very real and I can sympathize with that. He obviously loves her very much to even try to agree to such a "contract" in the first place. But marriage isn't about yourself, it's about the other person and I couldn't imagine a scenario where I would demand that my husband give up something he loves; I couldn't bring myself to take away something that made him happy because in the end, I want my husband to be totally happy. In the same respect, if he came to me and told me to give up something that I was passionate about, I would probably start to resent him and start to question if he really loved me and cared about my happiness in the same way I cared about his.

Whatever works for each couple, though, to each their own, I suppose. I hope it works out for them. I really do.

Now, off to watch another episode...

Peace, love, and happiness,

Pamela

Do you like to flash?

Flash fiction is typically defined as fiction that falls below 1000 words. It's difficult, to say the least, to write a good (and yes, I realize "good" is subjective), cohesive, full-on story in less than 1000 words. I guess that's why I have such a hard time with it. I continue, though, to try my hand at it. Sometimes I succeed, but most of the time, I find myself typing away in that "zone" only to realize half an hour later I've gone above the word count when the story isn't even finished. Suddenly, my intended flash piece has turned into a short story.

I could go one of two ways with this. I could freak out and run screaming in circles until I spontaneously combust or I can roll with it and finish the story. I almost often choose the latter.

It can be frustrating when you want to present your work to certain flash markets. Then those ugly thoughts hit. Can you consider yourself a good writer if you can't even fall within your own word count guidelines? Sure you can. But don't give up on the idea of it. If you want to write a flash piece, then try again. And again. A big part of writing, I think, is challenging yourself. If you're always writing the easy stuff, the comfortable stuff, how are you going to grow as a writer?

I'm a big believer in the adage that a story is only as long or short as it takes to tell it. If the story isn't finished, it just isn't finished. You keep writing, you finish, you pass it to your beta readers, you edit, revise, and all that boring stuff, and submit it to another market that is more appropriate.

Sometimes you can't flash. It happens. Keep trying.

Peace, love, and flashing,

Pamela

Don't make writing harder than it already is

I have this reputation in my writing circle of being this super-writer; someone who can conquer the ills of the world and still manage to have that enthusiastic drive to write. But my persona and reality are two different things. I wrote this blog post a few months ago about the motivation to write and it is just as true today as it was when I wrote it. Stephen King may be able to plow through everything and write but that isn't always true for myself.

Taking a slightly different turn on the same subject, though, part of that motivation to write comes from not overthinking it; don't make writing harder than it already is. People who aren't writers have this idea that we can simply sit and tap words out and wa-la! Instant story and instant success. My writing brethren and I know that is far, far, far, far, far, (far) from the harsh truth.

Some people destroy marriages by overthinking things. They start thinking about the little nuances in behavior that could signal their spouse doesn't love them and so forth. This type of thing causes problems within the marriage by alienating the couple from one another. Writers can do the same thing. They overthink a story or they overthink the writing process itself. Doing such a thing can become a direct path to the dreaded Writer's Block and can even derail a writing career.

This has been me the last few months. I've forgone new writing in favor of getting some revisions and editing down for my upcoming short stories collections, Life and Life Odd. That step is finished now so it was time to buckle down and finish the last story for Life Odd. I've really had to force myself to work on it. It's not that the story has lost its appeal, I know my mind won't rest until it is finished, but I keep overthinking the story and overthinking the impact it would have on readers.

I didn't write yesterday because I was already too tired from the day's events and just wanted to lay in bed and watch television before I went to sleep. So much for my reputation, huh? But I realized last night that I'm overthinking this.

First, I have this idea that when I start Athens University this fall, I won't have time to write. I don't know if that is entirely true or if I'm just overwhelmed by the notion of starting an unfamiliar school. So in the 8-month break I have until school starts again, I have this rushed idea that I need to write and complete as many things as I absolutely can before I start school. It's this idea of being rushed that's overwhelming me.

I told a good friend about not being able to write while I'm in Athens and she gave me a smirk and said that I wouldn't be able to stay away from writing that long. She's probably right but it doesn't stop that panicked, rushed feeling.

Second, I'm worried too much about what my readers will think. The story challenges some common ideals and spiritual beliefs about heaven, forgiveness, and what happens to the souls of those who commit horrible acts of violence in life.

Third, I'm worried about the non-complexity of the plot. Shouldn't the story, given the theme, be more complex?

So when this realization hit me, I was reading Kinsey and Me by Sue Grafton. In the beginning of the book, Grafton writes about how lots of information should be laid out in a short time in a short story. A short story is meant to be something simple in construction even if the overall theme is complex. My first aha! was that I was trying to make a big deal out of a story designed to be relatively simplistic. I don't have to have such huge elements within a short story. Breathe in, breathe out, go with your gut.

Next, I realized that I was falling back into the people-pleasing trap that has plagued me for years. No matter what you write, someone, somewhere will have a problem with it. This couldn't be summed up better than taking a glance at my reviews on any given website. Some people love my work, some are like, "Meh, it's okay. Nothing special," and yet others I seem to deeply anger. This doesn't just pertain to me. Look at ANY celebrity, whether they are an actor, writer, news anchor, etc... no matter how great they are or how much good they do for the world, someone, somewhere, hates them. And I don't use the word "hate" lightly, but it's appropriate in this case. As a writer, you have to focus on your story, on your characters, on your heart. Worrying about what the reader will think is a sure path to destruction. Breathe in, breathe out, go with your gut.

And last, I need to get out of this trap of rushed time. Who knows what kind of time I will have when I start Athens? Who knows anything about what the future holds for them? Why worry so much about something you know so little about? I admit it is extremely difficult for me not to have some sort of anxiety about this so I've really had to focus on not letting it get to me. It is something I'll continue to struggle with over the next few months.

We all know that writing thousands of words isn't as easy as your loved ones imagine it is, but you don't have to make it harder either.

Peace, love, and don't overthink,

Pamela