I wanna be a beach bum.

Last week, my family and I went on vacation; the first vacation we've ever taken. Sure, we've been on overnights here and there but for this year, we packed our bags (and then some) and took off on a long drive to Panama City Beach, Florida where we stayed at the Holiday Inn Resort on Front Beach Road.

Yes, I've seen the ocean before but it was a bad day to see it. We'd gone to Jacksonville, Florida to watch Alabama play the Seminoles. We took some time out to head to the beach. My oldest son was less than 2 years old and I was pregnant with my youngest. When we went into a gas station to ask for directions, the cashier told us where to go but then said there was a "red tide warning". Being as that we were down for the ball game, I thought he was cracking a joke at us obvious Alabama fans (the Crimson Tide, get it? Hardy har.) but as it turned out, there really was a red flag warning. We couldn't get in the water and the air quality on the beach was horrendous. I felt as though my sinuses were on fire. I got to see the ocean for the first time and it was magnificent, but I only got to spend a few minutes staring at it before we had to go.

Until we went to PCB, I really never understood the pull to the beach. I never understood how people could get excited over sitting on or playing in sand. I never understood how wonderful it would be to walk along the beach at sunset or dig for seashells or feel the moist sand between your toes. What was the big deal? But then we got there, went up to our room on the 10th floor and the first thing I did was head over to the balcony.

 

Right then and there, I fell in love with the beach and the view of the ocean. We swam, we played, we attended events put on by the Resort, we built badly constructed things in the sand... I've never in my life felt so wonderful and at peace. Even reading took on a new meaning. Since I was between semesters, I took several novels and my Kindle with me. I spent a lot of time dozing and reading while stretched out on a lounge chair or on my beach towel. Our last evening there, I felt like a character from one of those novels. I wore a flowing white skirt and I held the bottom of it up as I strolled carelessly in my bare feet down the white beach toward a melting sun. I didn't want to leave. My kids and husband were happy and I was mesmerized.

 

There aren't many pictures and I typically don't share many family photos anyway. I actually left the camera locked up most of the time in order to drink in the atmosphere without worrying about preserving the moment.

 

I'm back in reality now and school and work has once again taken over. But that's okay. The memory of that time will be embedded within me for a long time.

 

And since I can't be there in the flesh, I now seriously want to write a story set on the beach just so I can revisit those moments in my mind. :-)

 

Peace, love, and the ocean blue,

 

Pamela

Email campaign #3 - "Future Past" Announcement and Enter to Win!

Drop Content Blocks Here by: Announcement: Future Past coming in early August. Pamela Caves releases first fantasy novel. For ten years, Dayel struggled to survive inside the most infamous prison in the world with no memory of who she was before or what she did to get there.  Scars over her body and rumors of mass murder indicate that she might not want to know. She can't believe she could be such a monster, despite evidence to the contrary. All she wants upon her release is to live in quiet solitude. She soon finds that others have no intention of allowing her the normalcy she desires. On her path, she makes unlikely friends, escapes assassins, and battles unimaginable foes. Her memory begins to return and with it, magic begins to manifest. Terrified that she will hurt someone with her untamed abilities, she begins the journey to unravel her past, for doing so can only ensure her future is lined with peace. But what she finds is more horrifying than she ever thought possible and everything she thought she was comes crumbling down around her.

Drop Content Blocks Here by: Now Available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Smashwords. Coming soon to Kobo, Diesel, Apple, Sony, and more.   by: Sixteen year-old Lenya McKay is told that both her parents were killed when their vehicle imploded. She refuses to accept it, though, and goes off in search for them with the help of new Squad 13 weapon's officer, Corporal Zhoven Spiridon. Instead, they find something they could never have suspected; enemy infiltration. Growing up takes a sudden leap when she is Zhoven's only hope for survival against an unpredictable and brutal enemy. Meanwhile, Sabina has to adjust to her new life without the use of her legs and to a new job; it's the first time in her life she's felt less than adequate.   Drop Content Blocks Here by: Countdown to Future Past Promotions by: Did you know you can already get many Pamela Caves titles for free? Titles like "The Jump", "Theory of a Tramp", and "An Unusual Cupid" are free on all sites. But the best part? All other titles in Pamela's library will be offered for free throughout the summer! Keep an eye on Pamela's blog and her Facebook page to get coupon codes for free downloads. EVERY TITLE will be FREE at some point this summer in anticipation of the release of Future Past. Also, we will be doing a drawing for a free, signed copy of Future Past, exclusive to our mailing list subscribers. Current subscribers are already entered. If you wish to subscribe to the mailing list to have a chance to win, click here and register!                         by:   by: Read Pamela's new poetry, "The Thing About Love" on her blog.

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I see you sometimes. I sometimes dream that you're trying to tell me something. My most recent dream was we were standing in someone's yard and you were smiling at me. Then you got on a bus and you'd look at me through the window as you rode away and I was helpless to tell you what I wanted to tell you. I'd wake up with a sadness pulling on my heart that I'd let a rare opportunity slip away.

I just want to let you know that I get it. I'd always felt a little out of place growing up, as I was shoved from one household to the next. I know you had no control over that. I also understand how hard it must've been with a new baby, your own daughter, and two stepdaughters and to have to raise us all on your own while Dad was away must've been horribly exhausting. I know that wasn't easy for you. You must've felt pulled between wanting to push on or give up every day. I understand the divide of your own children versus your stepchildren because I'm a stepmom, too. I don't fault you for that. You did the best with the hand you were dealt. It wasn't always easy for either one of us but you were there when my birth mom wasn't and I appreciate that. I also appreciate that you never once spoke ill of my birth mom and even encouraged my contact with her. You wanted to preserve that innocence I had about her, you wanted to allow me to form my own opinion of it all, and I love you for that more than you'll ever know.

Some of my favorite memories came when I found out I was pregnant with my first son. The look on your face when you found out (and the ecstatic scream that ensued thereafter) made me so happy. I was so looking forward to my boys being with their Nana. I'm sorry I was mad at you for missing my baby shower. If I'd known that I was going to lose you that night, I would've gladly skipped my own baby shower to spend time with you.

I show the boys pictures of you. I tell them stories about us, even about the time short, little you, prevented my cocky, teenage self from leaving the house. "She was like a miniature linebacker," I tell them, and we all laugh, though it makes me a little sad. I feel a little bad for them. I see the people around me and how they have these wonderful, fulfilling relationships with their grandchildren and my boys don't have that. I sometimes imagine what it would've been like the last 7 1/2 years if you'd pulled through that pulmonary embolism. I hate that the last memory I have of you is of Michelle weeping over your body as the machines jerked your body in an unnatural form of breathing. She was petting your head and begging you not to go just yet. And then I felt my baby kick and it was almost more than I could bear.

When Zachary was born, you were supposed to stay with me for a few days to help me get adjusted to being a new mommy. Not having you there was horrible but there was this balloon we'd brought home from the hospital... it comforted me to think that maybe you were in the house anyway, that even death wouldn't keep you away. That balloon was really weird; it moved by itself all over the house, even passing through door frames, and mostly it stayed by the bassinet. It could've been the central unit but it was nice to think that maybe you were making that happen.

In any case, if it isn't clear. I miss you so much. I don't know why, but this seems to be one of the hardest Mother's Days that I've gone through since you passed on from this world. I just want you to know that I still love you, that I still think about you. Though I admit that I don't visit your grave often, you are still in my heart. I love you. Happy Mother's Day.

~Pamela

No such thing as a lazy summer.

In February, I announced the release of two books this year; one was Future Past, my first fantasy novel, and the next would be a non-fiction writing prompt book. I'm canceling the release of the prompt book for now. I'm going to reset the release for sometime next year.

The thing is, I've been extremely busy lately. Between my regular work, work at the store, and school, the only writing I've done is editing Future Past and writing the prompt book. I still have to form the map for Future Past and the cover shoot is scheduled for the second week of June. I really want to put what I have into the release of this book. Plus, I want to get back to doing what I love, which is writing fiction. I have many ideas teetering around in my brain and I'm getting antsy because I haven't written anything new since I finished "Purpose of Pain".

Scratch that: Want isn't the right word. I need to write new fiction. It seems to be the only thing that soothes me and keeps my mind at ease.

I have many things in store for this summer. Beyond the release of my second novel, I'm putting my short stories, which have been exclusively in digital format, into print collections by genre. I don't necessarily believe that I'll have as many print sales as digital but I will be doing several signing events starting next year and it helps to have a variety of books, I think.

In the meantime, I'll be chugging along as usual. You keep chugging along with yours.

Peace, love, and happy writing,

Pamela

Writer Facebook covers

Here are two more Facebook covers for authors. I couldn't decide which I really wanted to use so I made both. :) Enjoy. And as always, these are free to use. Do not alter them. And if you're looking for any more, click "facebook covers" in the labels below to see what else I have.

 

Or if you're feeling a little playful...

 

 

Are you looking for an ebook cover? Check out my collection for sale. Click here.