Disclaimer: Individual results may vary. Author assumes no responsibility for stress-related ailments as a result of using this plan.
Step 1: Pack your entire kitchen neatly into totes, vowing that you won't forget where and how it is all packed.
Step 2: Tear down entire kitchen: floors, walls, cabinets, etc. (a.k.a exercise)
Step 3: Get hungry. Forget where everything is packed.
Step 4: Spend hours going through totes. Just when the Universe seems to hate you, find the food you are looking for.
Step 5: Realize that you don't know where the pots and pans are located either.
Step 6: Break down and cry.
Step 7: Get in your car and head to the nearest restaurant for takeout, hoping no one sees you because you are covered from head to toe in paint, dust, and drywall.
Step 8: See everyone you know and explain multiple times that you don't normally go out looking like that.
Step 9: Get home and finally begin eating but realize that you're so exhausted, you can't finish.
Step 10: Find the pots and pans.
Step 11: Begin slowly rebuilding the kitchen. (a.k.a more exercise)
Repeat steps 3 thru 11 for the next 2 to 513 months.
Wa-la! The weight has melted away!
