Just a little tooth pulling story.

A random memory popped into my head this morning, and I want to write it down before it files itself away again. The memory appeared when I saw a picture of my niece on Facebook, my sister exclaiming that my niece lost another tooth.

When my youngest son, Zeke, was little and began to lose teeth, I remember that his first tooth loss was not an ideal experience. He went to bed one night with a very loose tooth, and woke the next morning with no tooth in that socket. After searching the bed, we came to the conclusion that he'd swallowed his first lost tooth in the middle of the night. No one was willing to wait a few days and search for it.

For his second loose tooth, Zeke was determined to have the tooth in-hand. He spent days wiggling it. He was extra careful about testing its level of detachment before going to bed.

Not long after the mission to extract his own tooth began, the hubs, the two boys, and I went to Walmart to pick up a few groceries. I urged him to pull his fingers from his mouth while we were there because it seemed that all he wanted to do was loosen it, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. He continued to wiggle it; on the bright side, he was quieter than normal while shopping that day, and I don't deny that I wasn't a little relieved with it.

As we began to check out, I heard a triumphant exclamation from behind me. Zeke held the freed tooth high into the air like he'd just removed the sword from the stone. I noted first the delighted and proud smile across his face... then I noted the blood. My incredibly happy boy had blood running down his fingers and dribbling from his mouth and chin. I couldn't help but laugh as the people around us looked on in horror.

After I cleaned him up and secured the tooth, I decided that the tooth fairy would want to pay just a little extra for that tooth. ;-)

Life Just Is

Three years ago, my husband and I separated. Up until that point, and even some thereafter, I was
sure that he and I as a unit wouldn't last. I've always loved him, yes, but sometimes love isn't enough; I don't have to tell realistic people this, though.

To be honest, I still don't know if we'll make it. I promised forever and I will do my best to hold on to that, but no one knows the future. Life always changes. Life is imperfect. Love and marriage are also imperfect, and that's okay.

It took a long while for this concept to grow and develop for me. We learn starting in childhood that there is a definitive line between black and white, right and wrong, and that if you believe in something, you have to believe in it ALL THE WAY, never leaving any give for that certain imperfection or for indefinite differing situations. We want to believe that there are easy answers to life and that answers to some of the same questions can't change over time. Realistically, life just is though, and we can kill ourselves trying to figure everything out. We can also kill ourselves constantly searching for that unchanging bliss and perfection that we're sure is around the next corner, but it doesn't happen that way.

In a way, I know this sounds clinical and unfeeling. It really isn't. :) Life just is, though. Nothing is certain and nothing is forever. Things and people grow, though, and that is just as important as the realization that happiness is not something you can just grab and hold hostage in your hand forever.

For the most part, life is wonderful. Eddie and I have our spats and disagreements as we probably always will. We haven't always liked each other or ourselves either. However, when I stopped worrying about the intensity of the marriage, mutual feelings, and began to plow forward to try to make the best life for our children, us, and yes, even myself, I began to understand that life just is. This concept has been the best thing that has ever happened to us as a couple.

I am so thankful for him. He is a great husband, father, and friend. I thank God for not only bringing him into my life but also for giving me the ability to see that life just is so I can enjoy my marriage and kids without trying to shove life into some exquisite little box.

Ten years we've been married. I'm not going to bull**** anyone by saying that those years have gone by quickly and we are just as in love as the day we married... blah, blah, blah. I can say that while I may not love him more than I did then, I definitely love him deeper and wider and stronger than I could have ever imagined. And no, some of those years did not go by quickly, LOL. I wouldn't relive them, but I wouldn't trade them either.

Happy Anniversary, honey. I appreciate you and love you more than I can express.

Peace, love, and life,

Pamela

RIP, Tails. We love you.

Last August, we said goodbye to our little furbaby, Moxie. A couple of weeks later, we decided to adopt a kitty from the animal shelter. Little Tails practically tackled my youngest son the minute we walked into the cat room and made himself the center of attention in a room full of cuties.

We named him Tails because my boys love playing Sonic and the kitten looked like the character of Tails. He was immediately accepting of us and easily one of the most loving cats I've ever known.

He had his quirks, too, like knocking over the garbage cans to see what goodies he could find, trying to steal the food directly from our plates, and getting into almost everything! He had a "thing" for toy mice and straws. He would even sneak up on us and steal the straws right out of our drinks!

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed he wasn't eating like he should and he wasn't playing with us anymore. I noticed his coat looked kind of rugged but illness was the last thing on my mind, probably because I didn't even want to think about losing another furbaby.

I took him to the vet and after some blood work, the vet determined that he had FIP, a feline virus of which there is no cure. He declined rapidly and passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday afternoon. Another furbaby gone. The kids and I devastated yet again.

I read everything I could about FIP to verify what the vet had said. Tails had probably had the virus when we got him and when he became symptomatic, there was no hope. It wouldn't have mattered if I'd gotten him to the vet earlier; there was nothing more we, or the vet's office, could have done. They made him comfortable and before we had a chance to come say our goodbyes, he was gone.

He was very special and we were lucky to have had him for the short time we did. It hurts and it will hurt for a while.

We won't be getting another cat for a while. We have to make sure the virus is out of our house before we make another decision like that. Besides that, we want time to grieve. I appreciate everyone who has already offered condolences and those who prayed for his health before he passed. He will be missed. :(

Peace, love, and we won't forget you, sweet kitty,

Pamela

P.S. Below is a video I shared a few months ago on my Facebook. It shows one of the reasons why Tails was so special.

Post by Pamela Gifford.

Face 2014 with courage

The beginning of 2013 didn't start very well at all. In fact, it ranks high with the beginning of 2004. Let's just say that I have no desire to relive any moment of the first few months of this year.

It did take a turn for the better, though. My family has, for the most part, reconciled, a little more of my house (that we've been remodeling for seven years) has been completed, we had one of the most awesome vacations I've ever experienced, I finished step one of my degree plan, and published another book.

My household has seen more than usual illness, though; my oldest son has been having stomach issues the last few months and it seems like any insignificant little germ that comes into this house turns into an all out immune system war in my body; like right now as I continuously blow my nose and battle a sinus headache. However, on a good note, we haven't had to deal with anything too serious and in a surprising twist, I'm managing my back pain much better than I have in years.

Going along between good and bad this year, the saddest event was losing my boss on October 24. A month later, I nervously left the store with a friend's words ringing in my ear, "Pam, do you want to get into the education field or stay in retail?" And she was right. I needed to stop being scared of a small money loss and head further in the direction I've been traveling now for the last few years. While Junior's passing wasn't the reason I left the store, it was a factor. My ultimate goals, combined with the loss, was enough to propel me forward. I am proud to say that I managed to get approved to substitute teach for the county and am also starting my new job as an English tutor at Northeast College next week. If I'd let that fear overtake me, I'd have missed out on those two jobs.

I'm certainly ready to tackle the next year.

I have a few writing goals. I want to have my short story collections, a new Barrier, and my prompt book out in the next couple of months and I hope to sell a few more short stories this year to different publishers. For personal goals, I could lose a few pounds, focus more when I'm working on projects ( I tend to flounder sometimes until the last minute), and I need to clear my house of junk. I'm also striving to be more giving, more forgiving, more patient, less judging, and more positive. If there's one lesson I've really learned over the last year is that attitude is extremely important in one's success. If you want something, and I mean really want something, you'll swallow that fear, put on a brave face, and do it.

I hope you have had a good year overall and I'm wishing you the best in the new one.

Peace, love, and on to 2014,

Pamela

I love you, Moxie. RIP, sweet kitty. :(

This was Moxie the day after we brought her home. She was barely able to toddle around on her tiny legs. My boys were really small then. With her guidance over the last three years, I was able to teach them how to respect and love animals. She was a part of our family.

Sleeping and fiercely protecting the magazine.

Last week, I came home from work late one night and couldn't find her. My husband said they'd looked for her too and couldn't find her. I knew something was wrong. She'd never, never been gone that long. You see, there was no keeping Moxie in the house. I don't like it when cats wander outside but she had always been determined to escape and she did so repeatedly. She always returned, though, but that night, I felt sick at my stomach and couldn't sleep.

Ever get the feeling you're being watched while you work?

I found my furbaby laying dead in the yard, and it was all I could do to keep myself composed in front of the kids as I retrieved an old baby blanket from upstairs and went to collect her body. There wasn't a mark on her so she either got sick and died quickly or got into something that she shouldn't have. She looked like she'd been trying to make it back to us when she collapsed and gave up. I had to tell the boys after breakfast that our beloved cat was gone and it is an experience that I have no desire to relive, ever.

We've been grieving heavily over our loss. I've tried to write this a few times but couldn't manage it without breaking down. Even as I sit here now, tears are rolling down my face.

Losing a furbaby is hard but I don't have to tell loving pet owners that. We buried her in the back of the yard and I'm comforted that I can put a little cat toy on her grave when I want. I also took the above picture and made a memorial with her collar and tag on it because the boys wanted a picture in their room to remember her by.

We also made the hard decision that we should honor her memory by going to the animal shelter and adopting a kitty that needed a loving forever-home. We already had the home set up for a cat and we still have lots of love to give. We brought home a kitty yesterday and I'll share the story on my Facebook page (and maybe here if I have the time) at some point later. We're still adjusting to a new kitty personality and the kitty is still adjusting to us, so I'll wait to snap the pictures until we've settled some.

It's been a rough couple of weeks, but it's comforting to know that we've done a little good in the world and that Moxie's passing wasn't for nothing.

Peace, love, and RIP Moxie,

Pamela :(