College is Finito!

diannehope/morguefile

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks for me. I have finally (and suddenly, it seems) completed my education. I keep being asked about going forth with another degree; my answer is, simply, not at this time. Maybe one day I will, but for now, I want to get back into the writing that lights my life. I want to focus on teaching, and I want to take a little time to breathe and be with my family. I feel like I've been running uphill for the last few years, so it's time to crawl over that peak and see what's on the other side.

And it seems to have hit me and sunk in all within the last several days. I turned in my last assignments. I am making plans for graduation. I'm printing out resumes. Then I realized that I was saying goodbye to over a hundred students. Teaching has been a challenge, but it has been a remarkable experience. When I realized I wouldn't get to see those kids everyday... well, it put a hole in my heart. I love those kids and even as great it is to be done, I still feel incredibly glum. Top this with the knowledge that I will not be returning to my tutoring job in the fall. This summer is the last semester I'll spend helping students with their college courses. Everything is changing, and while I'm happy about it, I still can't help but feel a little overwhelmed with the reality of it all. I hope that makes sense.

The last few years have been remarkably fantastic, but also terribly difficult. We almost lost our home. One of the cars died, and we couldn't get it fixed for many months. I spent a semester and a half worrying about how to get my hubs back and forth to work, how I was going to get back and forth to work and class, and how we were going to manage with the kids. There have been many sleepless nights, and many days where I didn't know if I was going to make it through. Heck, the last few months struggling with the revenue commissioner's office in Fort Payne (in which none but one employee knew the whats, hows, and whys of their job) seemed to be just the last kick in the long line of attempted road blocks.

On the flip side, I have made some incredible friendships, and I've been advised by some great mentors. There is no way that I can possibly list everyone because I'm sure to miss someone that's had a prominent role in the last few years of my life. So if you've given me advice, if you've answered a question (or 1,000 questions), if you've driven me or my hubs or my children somewhere, if you've watched my kids so that I could go to class or to my observations, if you've answered panicky questions about exams, if you've made me smile during a looooong and dull class, if you've been understanding about my lack of time and stamina,  and if you've endured my mood swings, I thank you from the deepest depths of my heart. I couldn't have done it without you. :)

Peace, love, and onward,

Pamela

I'm still here. Sorta.

Hi! I just looked back at the posts I've written in 2015 and realized I didn't pop in much at all last year. This isn't really surprising to me considering this post I shared a year and a half ago. Still, though, I like to come in from time to time to share a thought or two, just so those just now joining the blog know that it isn't one of the oodles of abandoned blogs out there. So, here's an update on how things are going:

School

I've just started my final semester at Athens State University. I've started my internship this week, and am on my way toward graduation. The last few years chasing down my education has been some of the hardest years of my life. It has taken more will and determination than I ever thought I possessed, but I'm finally on the home stretch.

In addition to this has been my job as a writing tutor at Northeast State Community College. Over the last few years, I've seen many students pass through toward graduation or higher education, and seeing them push for their futures has helped motivate me to continue my own push.

So here I am, only months away from graduation with probably the hardest semester I've ever had facing me. I told my Facebook friends that my mantra this semester is courtesy of the character of Enid from The Walking Dead: Just Survive Somehow. I'll get through it the same way I've gotten through the last few years of study: by working hard, taking one day at a time, praying often, and understanding that there are just some things that I have no control over.

Back Pain

I could summarize the entire saga of my back pain but I'll pass on that. If you want to read up on it, you can click here and scroll back through my posts on the subject. The last time I updated about this subject was when I got a steroid injection and was doing physical therapy. That was over two years ago. I never went back for another steroid injection. The shot only worked for a few weeks. During the weeks following, I continued physical therapy for the recommended time and after my sessions ended, I kept up those exercises in an effort to keep the pain away. It worked well. I did have days where I hurt more than others, but I was able to recuperate fairly easily by just resting and engaging in general ache and pain relief. Overall, I've had to learn what my new normal was. What doctors don't tell you after a discectomy like mine is that your life will forever change. I was so focused on getting "back to normal" that I didn't realize that I had to find a new normal.

Now to the present. Week before last, I noticed that something was a little "off" about my back. I couldn't explain it and it wasn't really painful. Not at first. Through the course of the week, I went from "Okay, this feels odd," to being in debilitating pain by Friday. I had to make an emergency appointment with the doctor I haven't seen in over two years. A round of oral steroids has helped me function, but now it's just a waiting game. I just had a MRI today and will find out what's going on later.

In the meantime, I guess that's all I have updates on. Nothing much has changed for us. The kids are growing and thriving, and aside from this little stint with my back, I'm very much in love with my life and family. I haven't written any new fiction in a while, but I'm writing research papers so that still counts. :) I promise to come out with some new stuff after May.

Peace, love, and carrying on with life,

Pamela

Why I'm getting away from journalism

My love has always been writing fiction. I never saw myself also pursuing journalism. But that's what happened. For several years now, writing content and news has been my alternate career as I continue pursuing my fiction career.

First, with the ever changing landscape of content writing and online news writing, I decided to look for something closer to home. There's not much around me in the way of journalism. Second, chasing news isn't really something I'm happy doing. The writing aspect and coming up with original ideas is fine but I don't have the disposition to constantly monitor the goings-on around me. It's stressful to constantly be on the lookout for that breaking story. I'd rather focus on my own family and my fiction than to be worrying about what everyone else is doing.

And third, stories like this depress me. There are often times when I'm searching for a story to do my Yahoo! commentary on, that I just sit at my computer and cry at these terrible, heartbreaking stories. It's not that I don't want to know what's going on in the world but I wouldn't dig so deep if I didn't have to write about these stories.  A fellow writer whose young son is battling cancer said it best; "Headlines alleging child abuse and discord make my stomach turn in ways I can't describe; they bring about a sense of rage that's hard to quell. Why are babies dying at the hands of the people who are supposed to love and protect them while I'm struggling --sacrificing just about everything-- to keep mine alive?" (-From the Prayers for Logan blog)

Sometimes keeping in touch with the news is too much for my soul to bear, especially when I'm struggling in pain like I have been for the last several months, especially when my kids are sick, especially when we discover that our insurance isn't as good as we thought it was and bills are starting to pile up, especially when it looks more and more like we'll be losing our home soon.

It's a rough life and I'm sure others are struggling more than I am. But in the case of my career, I need a change. I need something to do while working on my fiction that doesn't stress me or depress me so much. So starting month after next, I'm going back to college to get an English Education degree. The prospect of picking up math classes again frightens me but I'm glad to be able to go back.

It's going to be strange taking classes with kids that are the same ages as my step children. Maybe I won't be the oldest person in my classes.

Peace, love, and happy studies,

Pamela